But the list of differences doesn’t end there. Comedians, self-help gurus, and men who had any kind of a power position, have been for years cultivating a large barely-coherent list of the differences between the sexes. Here is a collection of just a few of them.
1. Men love sports. Women love to bring men things while they watch sports.
Men can’t seem to get enough of physical competition. There are all manner of speculations as to why. Some say it’s because men have to repress their homosexual thoughts because of a cultural stigma associated with them, so sports, and in particular contact sports, allow them a safe place to get out their aggressive homosexual desires. Others say men are naturally competitive, and sports help them to sublimate their violent urge to compete. Still others feel that men have mathematical minds and love to use those minds to calculate vast reams of sports statistics. Whatever the answer is, the answer is the gay thing.
Regardless as to why men love sports, women have an innate biological need to bring them snacks while they enjoy sports. This is because if women do not give themselves something to do, all they can think about is crying. Also, they have to keep moving or else they’ll get cervical cancer.
2. Men love taking unnecessary risks. Women love having their boobs looked at.
Men have a history of tending to want to put themselves at risk for harm where they needn’t. Climbing a difficult to climb fence rather than using the door, keg stands, driving erratically on purpose, fighting, or getting into an elevator alone with a wild boar — men love to take crazy chances. This is because men are so incredibly strong that they know they are in fact unable to be hurt. Their muscles are so big and strong they cannot be penetrated, and if they fell they would only bounce off their huge back muscles and land on their feet, laughing all the while. In their early thirties this begins to taper as the body naturally degrades. But even as they age and their muscles taper down to less than invincible, they still have so many muscles that it doesn’t make sense for a woman to serve on the Supreme Court, because she wouldn’t fit with all those muscles in the room. If anyone asks, well what about Ruth-Bader Ginsberg? Well, Ruth-Bader Ginsberg is a man.
By contrast, women have no muscles. Underneath their skin is a creamy soft layer of smooth marshmallow. Rather than stand, which would only make them fall back over, women prefer to lay about having their boobs evaluated by strangers that pass by. Which is why it so often happens that when a woman is lying alone reading in the park and you walk by and say, “Hey, nice boobs.” The women generally replies something to the effect of, “Thank you for acknowledging that, it is an important feature of mine, and I am glad to have a stranger give me their honest assessment.”
3. Men love becoming The President of the United States. Women love not having ever been able to do that.
Women love having themselves evaluated from a purely male perspective, it puts them in an inferior position and makes them horny, that’s why lists like this are so important. Women have a biological drive to be put in their place. This stems from when they were dinosaurs and they could only be aroused by a meteor destroying their entire species. Nowadays women display their arousal of being put in their place by making Sandra Bullock famous, tithing 10% of their income every month to Cosmopolitan, and wearing short skirts when it’s cold.
Men do not love being put in their place. This stems from their primate origins. Whenever primates were put in their place as children they would passive aggressively save up all their fear of failure and inadequacy and then as adults let all that old anger and fear out by crushing whoever they had to crush to get to a position of power, no matter who they hurt or why, and today’s modern man is no different. Becoming President means that you’ve crushed so many people to get to the top that no one can tell you what to do anymore. You could send a Predator Drone to a NASCAR Rally and take out a stadium full of hillbillies and the worst you’d get is a slap on the wrist and a 3% reduction in your autobiography sales. Also, the thread count on the White House linens is astronomical. It’s like sleeping inside a silk vagina.
source : http://www.manolith.com/2010/01/21/men-be-like-this-and-women-be-like-this/